Sometimes life has a way of overwhelming you. The everyday problems seem 
insurmountable. You think, "That’s it! Just one more thing and I’ve had it!" Hey, I feel your pain. I’ve been there, literally to hell and back. So before you go and do anything rash, let me share this with you…
I had a problem…one that nearly got the best of me. And I’m so glad that I’m on the other side of it.
Let me explain…
Many years ago, I fell into a deep, dark depression after an estranged friend of mine killed himself. I predicted that it would happen. Heck it was easy to see; you didn’t need a crystal ball. Yet his family chose to ignore the warning signs. And, he ended his life at 19. I was so distraught, angry, hurt…I wanted to go to the funeral just so I could ring his mother’s neck. I could actually see myself doing it. Not a good sign.
"I told her he would do this." It was a hard time for me, a very hard time. And I just wanted the pain to go away. I contemplated and planned to end my life, and was pretty open about it with my family when asked.
Thanks to God, I got on the other side of that. Mine was what is now called a reactive depression. It occurred due to a crisis of conscious. I had inadvertently taken responsibility for someone else’s actions. I had become enmeshed with his plight because I had been fighting for him for so long.
I knew I had a problem I couldn’t get beyond. It was dragging me down.
I just wanted the pain to stop.
So I devised a plan to whack myself while off at summer school. You see, I didn’t want to traumatize my friends at my college; they were already alarmed enough by my change in behavior. They would’ve had a hard time returning to school if I had done something like this there.
So off to Texas I went.
It’s amazing how well you can do your normal activities of life once you make that decision and become resolute on its completion. My grades were stellar. I was taking some heady courses, like cell and tissue biology, logic and physics. At that time, my cousin was running a psychiatric ward. I’m not sure how she got wind of what was going on with me. However she became the designated family member to approach me. She asked if I would consider taking medicines. My answer to her was, "If medicines would help, don’t you think I would’ve taken them by now?" I thought, "This isn’t something medicine can fix."
From that point, she left me alone in my misery, not knowing what to do. She never asked me what was going on, what was behind it all. That COULD have been a fatal mistake because I was apart of the most dangerous category of depressed persons, someone who was suicidal with a plan.
I was actually in the process of my suicide ritual when the pain went away.
For me, talking to someone would have made all the difference because the only one I was really talking to was myself. And we know what kind of conversation I was having; a one way dialogue that was speeding me towards self destruction.
It’s been nearly 30 years since that happened. She’s never really spoken to me since that summer. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because that incident caused her to look at something she didn’t want to deal with. Maybe it’s because I remind her how she felt at that time - impotent, weak, powerless. I don’t know. Her avoidance is not about my issues but hers.
So I understand that’s a fear for many of you…a loss of love, respect or comaderie with someone you care for. Heck, admitting you have a problem is hard.
Walking though the door to get help is even harder. I’m sure some of these thoughts go through your head:
"What will my friends think?"
"What will my parents think?"
"What will my spouse think?"
"People will look at me different."
"What if I see someone there that I know? Oh how embarrassing…"
But the reality is this:
There is a problem…one that isn’t going away…one you’ve tried to address on your own with limited success. And…
YOU are the one in PAIN!
So now you think maybe, just maybe, it’s time to see if someone can hear you out, if someone can make some sense of the chaos, if someone can see if you’re crazy.
But what is crazy?
That term has been knocked around for so long that, aside from extremes, it’s hard to put real meaning to it. Many people picture scenes from The Shining or One Who Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Many of the people I know think that anyone who commits an atrocious act/crime automatically must be crazy. However…
Dalmer wasn’t.
Neither was Manson or Bundy.
That doesn’t mean that their behavior was not pathological.
Two of these men knew they had a compulsion to kill; they didn’t see it as a problem though. They were OK with their sociopathic behavior, their intrigue with murder and death…and gave into the urges willingly, allowing it to drive them to more abased and ghastly behavior. I am speaking here of Dalmer and Bundy.
Manson was adept at praying on weak minds and turning them into his army, to do his bidding, no questions asked…just like Hitler did. On this level, he displayed a type of genius.
However being labeled ‘mental’ does not mean that you will enact gruesome crimes against humanity. Mental illness comes in a variety of forms and is defined by diagnostic codes. These codes define disorders from Attention Deficit Disorder to Alzheimer’s disease, to Depression to psychotic disorders like Schizophrenia.
Substance abuse disorders (addictions) are also listed there…as are other disorders due to medical illnesses and brain damage.
Finally, there is a class of disorders that comes from failures in parenting - the personality disorders. They are dysfunctional patterns people have due to their maladaptive responses to stress and their environment.
So, most of the people treated for mental disorders are far from crazy. Most are having difficulties in their lives which can be corrected or made significantly better through the use of insight oriented therapy work, behavior modification, biofeedback and/or medications. For some, the medications help improve or constrain the symptoms so the real work can be done in therapy.
For others, reality distortion is the problem. They usually require medications that can improve the imbalance of neurotransmitters that cause such symptoms as paranoia, hearing voices, seeing things that aren’t real or sustained high moods where a person doesn’t sleep for weeks on end.
You can also have reality distortion with severe depression.
If you suspect that you may have something out of kilter, that realization usually means that you’re on the other side of being crazy per se, because people who have lost perception of reality many times do not know this…they perceive that altered reality as REAL.
| If you’re concerned about your safety or someone you care for, please, by all means, TALK to someone about it. You can never take back a non-action. The life you save may be your own. |
So, to wrap this up…
Q: Are there crazy people in the world?
A: Yes there are! Talk to any bag ladies lately?
Q: Does this necessarily mean they are dangerous?
A: For the majority, no, they aren’t dangerous, just delusional.
Q: Are there people that medications do not help appreciably?
A: Yes, though this is now also rare.
cj
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16 responses so far ↓
1 New Article Posted Today On Mental Illness and Stigma Better Health News // Dec 9, 2007 at 11:34 pm
[…] I posted a new article today on getting help for depression, coping with stress and the conflicts that goes on about being perceived as mental. I’ve recanted a story about someone who was suffering from depression and how their family handled it…or should I say, mishandled it. […]
2 untreatable // Feb 28, 2008 at 1:05 pm
A well written and interesting post.
3 BlueAyez // Mar 22, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Stupidity is not necessarily a marker for insanity. In much the same way stupidity is not required to be insane. But it can help.
Look at the White House…
Sociopathy is a type of insanity. Sociopaths set themselves above “the masses”. They have little or no tolerance for anyone not following orders. They lie, cheat and steal with the face of an angel. They really DON’T understand why people resist them.
4 Jackie Mitchell // Mar 22, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I guess my situation’s different as I thought I’d gone mad when my fiancee whom I’d lived with suddenly died at age 42.
Now they’ve decided I’m bi-polar. But meds don’t fix everything. Further more, I’m one of those who is constantly thinking and analyzing.
which brings me to the point that I found it interesting when you pointed out that you had been blaming yourself for your friend’s death. At that point, did you stop blaming others?
A heartwarming article, intelligently written with compassion and clarity, I have scanned your other titles and ear-marked your site. I want to come back and read your other articles.
By the way, I just “Stumbled Upon” this site and was immediately intrigued.
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful writing and knowledge and experiences with all of us. You’re helping people.
5 dr. j // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:28 pm
@ Jackie
Thanks for your comment…and the Stumble.
And yes…when I took ownership for my feelings and my lack of direct, bull-headed action because I was living under my father’s rules…there was no longer room for blame placing. Blame only keeps you stuck where you are, in the past…and if you’re living in the past, focused on events from the past, events you cannot change, it is impossible to build a future because it stops you from moving forward.
Forgiveness allowed me to move forward. Forgiving myself and them.
I also understood WHY the family continued to interfere, not that I agreed…but I understood. From then on, I decided that I would listen to my gut, my intuition and move as it directs.
That essentially meant no regrets, no lack of action. It was indeed a big step…and the best step I’ve ever taken. Life since that time, life has been the ultimate adventure. I celebrate every day and am eternally grateful for each and every sunrise and sunset.
Gratitude is good medicine.
Be well.
cj
6 ardoc // Apr 21, 2008 at 1:29 am
I have been a Cornell-trained psychologist for 30 years. I see patients at three different sites every day, and attend continuing education seminars almost every month. I subscribe to several professional journals and I review articles for publication in two major journals.
The information above is so simple-minded and so outdated as to be worse than useless. I really mean that. No knowledge at all is better, in my view, than the above collection of utter nonsense. It’s degree of sophistication and its currency with recent findings make it unfit even by the standards of a beginner’s introduction to abnormal psychology published 20 years ago. God, if I actually followed the advice above, half of my patients would be dead and the other half would have left me for other therapists.
7 Donna Spencer // Apr 21, 2008 at 4:01 pm
It’s a very hurtful thing to called “crazy”. When I was young (age 15) I went through a dramatic shock of watching my mother being murdered by her boyfriend then having him commit suicide.
Before my mother died I was already showing the signs of bipolar disorder. I tried to kill myself a couple of times. I couldn’t seem to keep a friend due to my odd behavior which I didn’t notice.
It took years of hell and drastic mood swings along with overdoses. My behavior was out there yet I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me until I was admitted to a mental hospital where the staff noticed my manic behavior along with my depression.
I’m proud to say I am a survivor . I’ve been on lithium and antidepressants for the last 18yrs. I hate the stigma of “mental Illness” If you ran into me at a store you wouldn’t even have a clue I was bipolar.
I’m 47 and I now have a 15 year old which unfortunately is bipolar and has ADHD. I’m so happy to have found a good therapist who has finally discovered the right combination of medication. I don’t want my daughter to suffer as I had. I also want to point out that I am almost sure my aunt had this problem and was completely misunderstood and never helped.
You blog has helped me…thank you.
8 Debra // Apr 23, 2008 at 1:27 am
Excellent post. I’ve had lots of problems for years, and finally it got bad enough that quite simply I scared the hell out of myself and went for help. I’ve since been diagnosed as bi-polar and am medicated for such. The difference is amazing. I still have bad days sometimes, but never as bad as they used to be, or as often.
9 Scott // Apr 23, 2008 at 6:47 pm
That’s all fine and good since you have a cause for your depression. You had a trigger. And a horrific one at that. But there are some of us out here who get depressed without triggers. Without rhyme or reason. And we can’t just take control. We., unfortunately, don’t have that ability. Meds help some. Sometimes though, they don’t. And positive thinking is NOT an option that’s even remotely possible for us. We wait for it to go away. We try a new med. Or we simply can’t bear to go on anymore…
Your article was good, and I really hope that it helps even one person. It just won’t be this person…
10 dr. j // Apr 23, 2008 at 8:22 pm
@ Donna
Thank you for your post.
The number one reason my clients state that they delayed seeking help is fear - fear of what other people would think…that their friends, family members and loved ones would call them “crazy”. It’s a big fear. No one wants your personal business thrown up in your face, especially something so personal as emotional issues.
I can tell you that the clients who finally made that leap and sought help, wondered WHY they waited so long…and tell me that they could have avoided so much pain and hardship by seeking COMPETENT help sooner.
I applaud you for your courage to persever and LIVE! You didn’t give up…you found some of your answers.
By the way, Bipolars are probably the most creative and successful people on the planet. Artists, inventors and actors/actresses - just to name a few categories with visible Bipolars.
The challenge is to control and channel it.
Many continued blessings to you.
cj
11 dr. j // Apr 23, 2008 at 8:26 pm
@ Scott
Thanks for your comment…and sharing your pain. You just might be a Bipolar Depressed or have other horrible contributing circumstances, like trauma and abuse.
I’m glad that you have a therapist you feel comfortable with…one who will help you find your answers.
cj
12 dr. j // Apr 23, 2008 at 8:32 pm
@ Debra
Thanks for your comment. I am so happy for you that your days are better…and the lows are not like the bottomless pit.,,that you are able to be present now in the game of life, grabbing the ole brass ring for yourself.
Kudos to you for having the courage to walk through the door and get help. I am glad that things are better.
Be well.
cj
13 dr. j // Apr 23, 2008 at 8:45 pm
@ ardoc
You post this with a pseudonym - can’t even use your REAL name, hum? Are you a real doctor or badly playing one in comment spaces?
That’s the problem with people like you…you are so full of yourself that, well, you’re MORE interested in keeping clients for life than getting them to their answers QUICKLY and on with their lives…instead of supporting you in yours.
You do the world of mental health a disservice, sir, with your attitude.
Please don’t waste your fingers posting here again. You will be banned.
Idiot!
cj
14 Lisa // Apr 25, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I am so glad someone spoke up about ardoc……he is just hurtful and the damage such comments cause are an unnecessary disgrace!
15 Kat // Apr 27, 2008 at 12:08 am
I can tell you that the fear of being stigmatized comes from years of previous generations believing that if you even thought about seeing a psychological professional, you were considered crazy.
Thankfully, such generations are dying out.
On that note, I would also venture that anyone with depression issues be checked for any kind of thyroid issue. Why? Free T3–the small fraction of thyroid hormone that is *not* bound to any kind of carrier protein within the body has often been found in brain synapses, controlling the flow of serotonin.
How do I know this? I am hypothyroid and have managed to control any symptoms of depression by taking my hormone replacement pill and by ensuring I get a diet rich in tryptophan and Omega-3s. It has helped me avoid the expense of having to take medications or obtain the therapy sessions I just can’t afford.
Nature has Her own antidepressants, without any negative side effects and no need for an insurance co-pay.
Don’t get me wrong–I am NOT, by any means, a Scientologist. Far from it. I have no issue with the psychiatric profession. I just prefer, personally, to do what I can by eating a nutritious diet.
Exercise also helps. I know how tough it is to get up the emotional strength to even think about going for a walk or a bike ride…or even a swim at the Y. I’ve been there…
However, there’s nothing saying that you can’t enlist a supportive parent or friend to give you a nudge if you know you need and want one.
And if you need to talk, go get help. And if someone razzes you for it, it’s their issue, not yours. You do not have to take responsibility for their idiocies. It’s your mental clarity at stake and if they have prejudices, that’s their lookout.
Dr. CJ, you have a very helpful site…I ‘Stumbled-Upon’ this site, and I am putting it in my favorites–I feel you do have a gift to help others…I can sense it.
Blessed Be,
Kat ^.^
16 dr. j // Apr 29, 2008 at 10:49 pm
@ Kat
Thank you so very much for your visit, your comment and your Stumble.
And thank you for adding the information about thyroid hormone and how abnormalities can manifest in mood and thought disorders.
As you stated…long before modern pharmacology was Nature. If our modern diets weren’t so deficient of many of the macro and micro nutrients our bodies need, I bet that mood and degenerative disorders would almost cease to exist…and drug companies would go broke.
Now that’s a thought…healthy people…broke pharmaceutical companies.
I can dream, right?
:o)
Blessings!
cj
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